the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
