It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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