Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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