Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When are your genitals available?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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