Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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