You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
