ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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