perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
