just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
