people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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