got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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