The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
