I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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