Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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