Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
