If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
