youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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