This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
