A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My nipple is on Facebook.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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