last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
