He kissed a someone with a penis
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
