im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
