and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
