her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
