Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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