Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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