just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
