Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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