Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
