I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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