I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
