Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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