What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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