What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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