If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
