There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
