i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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