So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is the high leading the old right now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
