I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
