Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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