He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
