My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drake has all the answers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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