Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
