Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
