Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
