Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
