I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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