Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
