just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
