Im at strip club and am horny
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
