i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
